Suck It, Pre-Baby Rachel

I have been a mom for 11 months, 3 days, and 7 hours. In some ways if feels like this is all I’ve ever done, but in other ways, it feels surreal, like this is just a temporary job I get to do for a while that pays $0.

Occasionally I think back to the days when I didn’t plan my life around nap time, or worry about how much milk my boobs had in them, or wonder if Meredith will ever find love again after McDreamy.

via GIPHY

Sometimes I wonder what pre-baby Rachel would think about post-baby Rachel. Would she judge my yoga pants and hoodies that I wear 6 days a week? Would she say “that mom looks tired” when I don’t wear make-up… 7 days a week? Would she look at my house, covered in toys and Cheerios and think, “I’m never going to be THAT mom!”? Would she look at my 10 pound heavier body with a soggy tummy yet somehow skinnier legs and be grossed out and slightly confused?

Pre-baby Rachel wore regular human clothes every day AND make up. She flirted and dated and got kissed quite a bit. She worked and had regular interactions with other adults and even had friends. She had lots of time for hobbies like sewing, dancing, wood working, going to the gym, and yeah, ok, still watched an absurd amount of TV.

I’ve come to the conclusion… yeah pre-baby Rachel would totally judge post-baby Rachel. But she wouldn’t understand that yoga pants make it easier to crawl around on the floor while I’m playing with Mae. Or for going on 2-5 walks every day. She wouldn’t guess that by not wearing make up my skin has never been clearer and Bryan doesn’t notice anyway. Pre-baby Rachel didn’t get big slobbery kisses every day from both her adorable baby and annoyingly handsome husband. Seriously, he gets more handsome every year. It’s the worst. I may not have regular interactions with adult humans every day.. but I get to teach a baby how to be an awesome human, and I think that’s better.

Pre-baby Rachel may have had more time for hobbies, but now I have more purpose for hobbies. Now I sew to make Mae bibs, burp cloths, new high chair covers, blankets, toys, and clothes. Instead of the Foxtrot, I dance with Mae in the living room, and now every time she hears music, she wiggles her butt and shakes her arms, and I die from cuteness a little bit every time. I dance with Bryan in the kitchen after a long hard day, and no, we won’t win any awards, but at least he doesn’t step on my toes anymore. I get to make wooden toy boxes, blocks, and a height chart for Mae. Taking her on hikes, runs, and walks lets her enjoy nature and learn and explore. And helps me have energy to be a good mom, and also try to lose those pesky 10 pounds.

Pre-baby Rachel may have been cuter and had more free time and way more money, but she didn’t have this.

Suck it, Pre-baby Rachel!